Cracked memories

Worldcup 2010, after 4 years I've got no idea who to support nor I care

Working life halted, cross roads to opportunities that I shall seriously look into but still has no obvious clue to destiny.

Just a miracle by Point Blanc, this week at no 7 in MET @Hitz.fm

Alcohol consumption been up and down, from the urge to drink, to the urge of puking, and to the skin color of drinking too much that lasts till morning.

Heart, strange feelings I have from so many memories of her, no longer words can express myself.

Depression leveled up, survivor instinct increased, walls around myself got thicker.

I've respected a decision years ago that now I realised it wasn't a decision but its a prosecution to change.

Foolish enough to have thought I would have lie to the whole world but the world has been kind enough to shelter me from truth on what they've seen thru me since it all started.

The biggest part of me has been taken away. Built it back from scratches is the natural instinct but all I've got is a question, how did it all end up this way? I should have already know but... :)

5 2 0 1 3 1 4 ? Old fashioned?

Valentines day

I do not ask anymore nor I can help to stop myself, thinking and feeling,

I have no more to cry nor any to shout, tears and blood,

I try and I did but yet there is not much that is done, friends and soul mates,

I want and I worked for changes and progresses, in life and love,

I am tired and I am sick of everything, understanding it and believing it,

Why and why ... how and how? A beginning or an end? Happy Valentines Day.

heart piece

I am hurt by you, you and you ...

Do I grow from it? I dont know...

I know it hurts ... felt it hurts ...

Hanabi ... a beauty that will be in all form lasts only in memory but not in the real world ...

Japanese for fireworks... I guess I am hanabi will only be a piece of memory but never a part of anybody...

a message

I wouldnt know if you will see this nor I wouldnt know if anyone of you out there will realize the meaning of this picture.

A simple picture of me staring at my phone actually walking alone there but actually friends were there around the corner.

People around were or may be actually looking at me.

But,

A simple but response to my heart, reflects to myself, tells me a lot of stories that no one else know but me, myself and eugene knows best.

The origin of OC - original chinaman, from me.myself and eugene where mostly topics were covering me, her and them, from the time there was so hai stoon, to the time of SO HIGH, to UBI. From where we will remember the 4th of February, August 31, and Oct 3. Everything is fading away.

For a moment I changed I thought I was reborn with new people that I get to know and close with, to friends that I call brothers everyday, to live and work, and senior guiders in my life telling me to stop acknowledging myself as BOY but a MAN now.

I miss you all, I'm a human I realised there wasnt any need to hide my feelings anyway, from who ?

I'm sad to know bout you, bout your breakup, reading your posts in blog are only way that I maintained myself to know bout you. Communicating with you has become a fear to me, I dare not go to places that will bring me memories of us. I do not dare to browse thru my older pictures. I tried to forget bout everything too. It was really painful, and it became milder then it became a fear, a fear that mades me into someone who dares not say I love you anymore to anyone else.

That explains why I called myself a fool again sometimes. A lot of people tells me that I must not continue like this, I must not feel what most people shall have already be done with and started with a new relationship.

But anyhow, it isnt important anymore about myself, its important for you to realise things could change according to how you would want it to change. I'm in no position to tell you guides, but I do believe I'm a great example for you if you were to think of taking the 1st step of being like me in the beginning, drinking everyday, not sleeping, smoke every hour, and last but not least carry a sad face that hurts people who still loves me.

I watched a series movie today the actor were acting out a breakup,... unlocks my heart and memories, of what I was thinking and doing when it was my breakup with you.

I'm scared ... to hurt and to be hurt. But all in the same I wish you will not be as foolish as I am, but instead move on again and live happily.

reality

Couldn't update the blog, couldn't be truth to myself, couldn't find words describing my ownself.

Just want to let you know, I followed your progress, dont know bout you doing the same too, but if you did read this, I just want to let you know

I never left, but I just locked myself at a very dark corner where very little people can come close to me anymore, if you want to look for me, you'll know where to find me.

in the dark.

and they say...

Its been a while since I last blog wei,

Time to update bit bout my life before this blog turns to some klik sini klik sana dapat sampai sini portal.

Niways life's decent to me, I've been decent, good boy remains, change my ways, live my life here and there. Workaholic they say ? I guess its that way now.

Still alive doing so bloody many things in a time, prioritize was the advice given, just do it was the methodology taken, and walls ... way too farking many walls are the things i 've been hitting.

In the end, glad I'm still around to bull here and there, but most of all am calling all long lost buddy recent lost biatches, just called dude and dudettes, msn list heng dais, mana lah you all wei, yiujingchai here turned to yiujing loe to yiu guai d wei work work work stress wei bila bawak gua pigi minum, jalan jalan, movie movie, kacau amoi, kacau abang in the middle of the night, burn some rubbers, round some police blocks, midnight trips....


ANjuah banyak back to square root shietz, I am standing here looking at you stoned, how are you? How have you been? I wish you all the best aights for those who's doing their own things, stressing their own stuff now, God bless everyone, in the same time pray a lil for me too, I think I'm at the brink of destruction...

A lil bit about me by a quiz

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

From:
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx